#CouchLock: Olympic Athletes Will Get Stoned in Rio and We Should Celebrate

As we (embrace/consume/tolerate?) the summer Olympics, there is one thing we can take solace in, Olympic athletes can now smoke cannabis.

Now, before we get carried away, the World Anti-Doping Agency (or WADA like the kids call them) still considers cannabis a performance enhancing drug. We’re not here to debate the merits of that theory, but I’m one stoner who believes cannabis can be considered a PED for some types of people depending on the sport and when it’s consumed.

It’s that same reasoning why WADA made some big changes to its rules back in 2013. They surprisingly raised the legal limit of THC by almost 10 times and stated they would review their rules on cannabis as more research became available.

When WADA first banned weed back in 1999, they didn’t consider how long THC metabolites remained in one’s system. Canadian snowboarder Ross Rebagliati, who won a gold medal at the 1998 Winter Olympics, became the first “high profile” athlete to test positive for cannabis.

Image: Yahoo sports
Image: Yahoo sports

Rebagliati became a worldwide story with many believing that he had sparked one up just before hucking himself down the mountain. That’s how uneducated we were at the time and how sensationalized the story got. The iconic Canadian snowboarder claimed it was from “second-hand smoke” from weeks earlier and the crazy thing is, he almost had his Gold Medal taken away for it. Luckily for him, WADA hadn’t yet officially banned cannabis as a PED but they certainly did afterwards.

The new WADA increase in THC levels makes it so athletes don’t get popped for second-hand smoke or for sparking up a joint weeks or even days prior to competing. Basically, the new rules don’t infringe on athletes’ personal time and they can’t get nailed for cannabis in their system unless they have 150 nanograms of THC per millilitre of blood.

Back in the day, athletes were getting busted with THC blood levels of 15 ng/ml or higher which is crazy if you think about it. According to reports, Rebagliati’s urine sample in Nagano contained 17.8 nanograms of marijuana per millilitre which is so small that you wonder what the fuss was all about.

The 2013 increases in THC levels are to prevent athletes from getting high just before or during their event and that’s something I’m on board with. It still allows a competitor to smoke up days before their competition and after.

These new rules are a step in the right direction, and it’s good to know that we won’t be jumping all over amazing athletes like Michael Phelps for taking a hit from a bong on his own time. With BMX currently in the games and surfing and skateboarding coming in 2020, maybe it was about time the IOC covered their ass a bit.

That said, I urge viewers of the Olympic games to get high as fuck before watching the sports you never knew or forgot existed. WADA can’t touch the common viewer and maybe watching the games will only encourage you to get off the couch (tomorrow).

So what are the top Olympic sports to watch when you’re high? I give you my personal list of five. Feel free to add to it and educate us with your own faves.

Beach Ball Volleyball – Why are women the only ones to wear skimpy bathing suits? Board shorts for men? Come on! Those dudes should have to be able to pick sand out of crevices for weeks too. Sexism aside, both men and women’s beach ball volleyball is a joyous spectacle for the eyes.

BMX – Is there any other way to watch the sport that spawned the classic 80s film RAD?

Rhythmic Gymnastics – Because. You’re high.

100m Sprint – I want to see the advances made in designer steroids. #Science

Equestrian – Don’t knock it. A few hits from the bong and you’ll be fully immersed. You’ll even find yourself making the jerking motions before each horse hurls itself over fences and walls. It’s also funny when the riders fall off. Just saying.

However you choose to watch the Olympics, if you even watch them at all, is up to you. But as the world goes to hell in a hand bag, it’s nice to know there is a fully manufactured event that is run by corrupt fucktards that bring the countries “together” in the spirit of cheating..er..competition.

For now, I cheer for team cannabis and the athletes who deserve a nicely rolled joint after competing their hearts out (except Russia, because nobody likes those cheating bastards).

Now enjoy some quality Olympic fails.

Make sure to check Trevor Dueck and Steve Stebbing out every Friday on Cannabis Life Network for Flix Anonymous. They review all the new film releases, give you their weekly stoner flicks and more.