The Spanish flu lasted from 1918 to 1920 and was followed by the roaring twenties… History has never made more sense. The end of this pandemic is on the horizon and one thing has become very clear, people can’t wait to touch each other again. Unless you had a partner, chances are you weren’t getting laid through the pandemic because dating was really tricky. The idea of banging a stranger is both exhilarating and nerve-racking, but don’t worry! When in doubt, you can always start off by following the sex tips from the BC Center for Disease Control.
Single? No biggie! If you’re healthy and you know it, masturbate. That’s right. If you’re feeling good physically, you should probably go to your bedroom and physically feel yourself. According to the experts, “You are your safest sex partner. Masturbating by yourself (solo sex) will not spread COVID-19.” Uh, thank god for that because if playing with yourself was all it took, it would be the end of the human race.
Yes to Dick Pics
Do you know where you can’t get COVID-19? Online. The BC CDC suggests dating online, having phone sex through talk and/or text and, filming your own amateur porn. Not enough for you? Invite more friends to a “group cam room” for some pandemic fun, approved by the experts. Worried about protecting your privacy? No need because they give the most amazing advice! Don’t show any identifying body parts! Take close-ups, for example, dick pics.
As outrageous and ridiculous as it sounds, the BC Center for Disease Control is actually promoting the use of glory holes. In fact, that term is listed word for word on the website. The logic is understandable because having a barrier between people will help prevent viral transmission. Still, many concerns remain:
This language is encouraging sex in public because an at-home Gloryhole defeats the purpose.
If using a gloryhole is going mainstream, it’s safe to say that there is a shortage.
Where the hell are we going to drill all of these glory holes and who is going to set the standard on height? Will there be stools and step ladders to aid British Columbians?
Accessing a vagina via glory hole is no easy feat; so, that’s going to have to be thought out as well.
To date, the issues surrounding glory hole access have yet to be addressed.
Now, it’s time for the ultimate turn-on, a sexy, post-pandemic wordsearch.