The Canadian Centre on Substance Abuse is on its cross-country “let’s make up shit about marijuana” tour, propagating the idea that cannabis is just as bad as alcohol and tobacco to unsuspecting parents and guardians.

Of course, they’re not so blunt with the language, but that’s essentially what’s going on here.

Referring to their own internal report, the CCSA is worried that young people don’t find cannabis to be much of a problem.

“They felt that cannabis makes them better drivers, some young people reported that they felt it helped their focus and attention at school … we also heard from young people that they felt marijuana prevented and even cured cancer,” said Amy Porath-Waller, the centre’s director of research and policy.

Studies have found cannabis has no significant role in traffic accidents, despite having a minuscule effect on psychomotor skills. So while it might be taboo to say, I’m going to go ahead and call bullshit on Amy Porath-Waller.

Cannabis does make you a better driver.

It’s not like we have a bunch of sober people behind the wheel. Ever heard of caffeine? Drive-through coffee shops are everywhere, it’s encouraged to drink coffee and drive.

As for focus and attention at school, it certainly helped me get through gym class. Oh, and that stupid book report due on Thursday? Smoke a bit of weed and re-read certain sections of the book. It’ll give you insights you didn’t have before.

You can thank me later for the A+.

The medical establishment has yet to fully catch-up with the public regarding cannabis and cancer. They will, and, in the meantime, the CCSA’s anti-cannabis attempt to debunk this information is incredibly insulting to every patient who has cured their illness with cannabinoid therapy.

Nevertheless, Amy is worried that kids under fifteen smoking cannabis daily will suffer from problems later in life. Probably, yeah. Unless the child is alleviating seizures or doing something medically necessary, there really isn’t any reason for kids to be doing anything that augments the mind and body.

That said, refined sugar is far more dangerous than cannabis ever has been or will be. If I were a director at the CCSA, I’d be more concerned with sugary cereals targeting children at the grocery store than a few pre-teens sneaking a doobie during recess.

Now all this would merely be a pain in the neck if these organizations didn’t sway political power. Just like how Americans can’t drink until they’re 21 years-old, I can imagine the CCSA, the College of Family Physicians of Canada, Ottawa Public Health, Health Canada, the Canadian Paediatric Society and many other anti-cannabis health-care busy-bodies demanding an age requirement of 25.

Twenty-five-years-old is apparently when the brains stops developing and therefore “it isn’t appropriate” for anyone younger to be smoking.

But, the fact remains that even with strict state controls over alcohol, like in Ontario with the LCBO, or even in places like Alberta where the Alberta Gaming and Liquor Commission regulates the “free market” of independent liquor stores — there is a problem of underage drinking.

Think about that. Even though alcohol is obviously a poison that kills brain cells, and too much of it causes you to vomit and wake up hungover, and even with strict controls and age limits, teenagers still find a way to consume.

The Canadian Centre on Substance Abuse should really stop wasting everyone’s time.

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