Fuck Valentine’s Day.

Being single sucks so hard sometimes, because not only are you not getting laid, you are reminded of all the sex happening around you all the time. Nevermore so than on February 14th.

It’s in your face. It can feel like everyone gets to bang each other and you are stuck at home playing air guitar. Granted, some days are easier than others, but ultimately a lot of factors come into play. This year, if you are single and just want to go to bed, cry, and maybe order pizza, consider a different approach instead – a reframing of the mind, if you will. Here is a Single Stoners Guide to Surviving Valentine’s Day…hint hint, it’s all about self-love.

Not your day off? No problem!

Before we get into the specifics of this strategy, I want to acknowledge a few things. Valentine’s Day is not a national holiday per say, and so it doesn’t mean that life is on pause. Responsibilities remain and we all have to work…especially if all your coworkers have partners. There is no reason why any of that should get in the way of the best day ever, however. In fact, if you do it right, you will have something to think about, adding build up and making it better.

Masturbation

Sure, it’s fine to talk about having sex with another person but when you talk about having sex with yourself, people get weird. Let’s just get this out there, front and center. Masturbation is normal, healthy and this Valentine’s Day, you are gonna go to town.

There are so many different ways to maximize masturbation with cannabis. Plus, when you only have to focus on you, you can really notice how the addition of the plant makes your body respond to every sensation you create. Here is what I suggest, treating yourself the way you deserve: 

  • Set the scene – light candles, make your bed up to be incredibly comfortable and inviting, have water handy and use a fancy glass, have pre-rolls and a lighter ready, use the good dab rig and clean it the day before.
  • Pre-plan your porn and music – not only will it save precious personal time, it builds up anticipation and makes you get excited.
  • Pre-plan your cannabis – whatever you are going to use, the last thing that you want to do is take too much and fall asleep. Cannabis lube can pack a punch but used properly, in the right dose unlocks a stairway to heaven – especially if you have medical issues that make sex a challenge.
  • Don’t forget about the aftercare! You deserve to give yourself whatever makes you happy so think about what you like. Go all out. If you are going to take a bath, light candles, use a bath bomb, and eat dessert. Yes, I am telling you to do this. Get baked, and eat dessert in the bath. For real. It’s awesome.
  • If you really want to kick it up a notch, opt for a cannabis bath bomb, and your favorite tasting edible to munch in the tub.
  • In short, pre-plan!

Get yourself a present

No matter who you are, what you have done or what you haven’t in your life, you are worthy of love. Give yourself a bit of that in a physical form. It doesn’t have to be expensive or big, just meaningful to you. If you have the money to get yourself a treat, go for it, but don’t just give it to yourself, without pomp and circumstance – do it with pizzazz!

Also, try wrapping up your gift ahead of time, and then placing it somewhere prominent, where you have to look at it. Wait until after all of your self-loving to open it. Give yourself that extra something to look forward to.

If you are single and lonely, this Valentine’s Day is going to be different. Let’s say that together. This year, you are getting spoiled by the hottest, kindest, most incredibly generous partner and they always make sure you get off. On February 14th, you have a date with yourself, and the good news is, there is going to be weed and satisfaction.