The coronavirus has got everybody pretty freaked out, and understandably so. As the situation unfolds, more and more countries are declaring a state of emergency and advising people to stay in their homes. Businesses, schools, and non-essential services are closing. The world is on edge. Before we open our front doors, we have to get used to asking ourselves if we really need to leave. It’s not just about you, it’s about everybody else’s safety.
So, it’s time to reframe the way we are looking at the situation because that smoky cloud has always got a silver lining! There is lots of fun to be had for the stoner in self-quarantine. To help you avoid going stir crazy, let’s turn this time off into a staycation! Here is a stoner’s guide to survive in the [apparent] apocalypse.
Make it count
Being stuck in isolation sucks but if you run out of weed it’s going to feel worse. The key here is to get creative and conserve. Regardless of how much you have right now, most stoners never feel like they have enough. However, they also don’t recognize that one of the biggest contributing factors is wasting weed. It’s easy to do, especially once you’re baked. Plus, few of us realize how much it actually adds up. This may seem daunting, but follow these steps and they will make a difference.
- Do not let your bud burn away for nothing. If you’re sharing a joint, which you should already be wary of, establish a rule that the joint is a microphone, and note that being told that is not offensive.
- Consider using a pipe more often, even in a group setting. If you want to share, you can grind all your buds together and load separate bowls. Once you have a toke, it’s easy to cap something over the burning cherry to put it out for later; think of it like pouring cold water on finished noodles in order to stop the cooking process. Using pipes makes it easy to make the most of every toke but on top of that, glass is easy to clean and sanitize.
- Bust up and roll all of your weed on a plate or tray with a high lipped edge; the same goes for handling concentrates. The cannabis products we inhale are light, relatively delicate, and easily airborne. A flick of a finger in the wrong place is all it takes to irreversibly damage your stash. Some things can be picked up off the carpet, but others are too small or sticky to recover. Keeping all of your cannabis and concentrates together in one spot will help prevent you from flailing and/or losing it.
Conserve and make edibles!
Save all of your stems, leaf, reclaim, and roaches. All of these are useful; especially if made into edibles. When it gets down to the wire, you can either be thinking about what you threw out or glad that you made the most of your chronic. Understandably, many people prefer to buy their edibles, rather than make them at home. From stinking up your kitchen to guestimating the THC content, making edibles is just not always feasible in some situations. But, this is the stoner apocalypse and if you got the will, there is a way.
Cold Infusions – If you mix a lipid with a form of cannabis matter, you will extract several different cannabinoids, but to get THC, you have to add heat. You don’t need to decarboxylate your infusion to get the benefits and if you’re worried about overdoing it, cold infusions are the way to go. This is a great option for the other parts of the plant that are often seen as a byproduct.
For example, stems can be placed in room temperature oil to create a broad spectrum, medicinal infusion. The VCBC’s stalkenol capsules are made by soaking cannabis stems in grapeseed oil for a thirty day period; the jar sits out, through sunlight and moonlight, getting shaken twice per day. The resulting oil is a powerful treatment for nausea, vomiting, anxiety, and depression, as well as migraine headaches.
Practice your stoner kung fu
Don’t get me wrong here, I am not talking about bong rips and shadow kicks. Use this opportunity to master the stoner arts. Practice rolling every different kind of joint until you feel confident – from straight dubes and cones to specialty cross joints. Have fun honing your skills!
Tip – Use other herbs that you have in your kitchen if your supply is an issue. Even if you didn’t get to smoke a tone of weed, you will come out of the apocalypse rolling like a boss.
Everybody is artistic and creative, but some people just don’t know it yet. Use this time to connect with art by having fun and giving yourself permission to create ugly work. There are so many mediums to play with out there and everybody has items in their house that could turn into an art project. If you need ideas, all you have to do is look on Google or Pinterest. If this is something that is out of your comfort zone, but you’re willing to give it a try, you may be surprised how much it benefits you.
- When you’re deep into an art project, time has no meaning. Creating the piece is all that matters in that moment, often giving the artist a refreshing break from reality. Plus, art takes as long as it takes. When you are stuck at home in quarantine, a long project is sometimes the perfect distraction.
- Creating art is so profoundly therapeutic that it is a recognized form of treatment. Regardless of how prepared you are, this global pandemic is extremely stressful, and we can all feel the effects. You might start out with the impression that it’s craft time, and instead discover a powerful tool for self care.
We all know someone who used to make a bong out of the most ridiculous junk. This stoner apocalypse, your inner teenager is going to dive right back into that, and challenge them to a build-a-bong competition. Not only is this fun and nostalgic, it’s a great way to conserve your stash, critical during the apocalypse. A toke always tastes better when you earn it, and building a bong can take as little or long as you like. Remember gravity bongs in a bucket of water or lungs made from a bag and pop bottle? Now is the time to get reacquainted! You are never too old to relive your younger days, especially when there are no snobby stoners around to judge it.
Pro Tip – skip the tinfoil with holes in it and incorporate a proper glass bowl.
Cook and bake non-medicated munchies
No one appreciates good food like a stoner with the munchies. But when you’re stuck in quarantine, you’re stuck eating what’s around. Considering you have the free time, use it to do some cooking and baking. The variety will add a refreshing change to your plate, boost your morale, and give you something to do. Plus, you’ll thank yourself when you get the munchies.
Search Google and Pinterest for recipes with five ingredients or less; there are a lot of them. With all the new options available, what you have in your fridge and pantry will likely make something surprising. Another option is to enter all the ingredients you have in your search bar and see what pops up.
Workout at home
With the spread of the coronavirus, everyone is trying to stay home. Going to the gym or pool is not the safest idea anymore, but for those who aren’t into that anyway, being indoors still means slowing down. Motion is lotion, relieving stress and pain, so staying active at home makes a big difference. Unfortunately, this is not easy for everyone, let alone stoners in quarantine. No motivation? No worries! Don’t get discouraged because there are a few ways to make this easier:
- Youtube at-home workouts – It’s amazing what you can find on Youtube these days, especially when it comes to at-home fitness. The key to success is searching specifics; if you want a three minute video that only targets your abs, type that in. Are you into lifting but don’t own any weights? Look up at-home, no-weight lifting videos and prepare to get inspired. Belly dancing, Tai Chi, 5 minute Dr. Oz workouts, you name it…the options are so vast that it’s bound to peak your interest.
- Practice Yoga – Yoga is not about becoming a contortionist, it’s about your breath within your body. Regardless of any physical limitations you may have or the level you are at, yoga offers something for everyone – even floor poses for people who don’t have high ceilings. A yoga session focused on breathing pumps fresh oxygen throughout the body and physically it feels amazing. Plus, there are many different poses that require a great deal of strength and cardio if you are looking to break a sweat.
TV and Movies
As a kid, life was simpler. When you wanted to pick a movie, you picked a rental at the video store. Browsing and committing was a fairly quick process, but with so many choices one click away, it’s not hard to spend the night just trying to make a choice…especially when you’re baked. Not to mention, online streaming services tend to stack their libraries by loading up cheap, poor quality productions, and a lot of time can be wasted surfing through all the crap. In order to circumvent this pothead pothole:
- Make a list of all the good movies and shows you would like to watch, and add to it as more ideas come up. Trying to come up with your favorites is hard to do in the heat of the moment, but we do think of things throughout the day. Write them down in one spot that is easily accessible and hard to lose, such as your phone.
- Take advantage of trial periods for streaming services that you don’t usually use. Most online providers have a free trial period and there is no better time to use it, than during a pandemic quarantine. Be sure to set an alert for the day the trial will end so that there are no bill surprises or incase you want to cancel ahead of time. Want to catch up on all the Baby Yoda hype? Star Trek: Picard? Now is a great time to do so!
Work on yourself
Daily pushups, reading before bed, meditation, or starting the morning with lemon water…in a perfect world, we would have all the time and energy needed for our ideal healthy routine. Then life happens and suddenly, those habits can be too hard to start or stick with. A quarantine is the perfect time to start a new positive pattern. It’s good self care during what is becoming an extremely stressful experience, plus you might not stop when this situation ends, which would be a bonus.
Think about all the small constructive ways that you could improve your well being and try them out during this period. The key to success is to start with small things that are easy to maintain. Pay attention to your body and the way its responding because this is a great opportunity to learn about yourself. If you find that you just can’t get into a certain pattern, take the time to explore the reason behind that. You may start to recognize some of the expectations you have for yourself are not realistic and don’t serve you; giving you the chance to truly let them go.
In order to fight the coronavirus, everyone is either being asked or told to stay at home and self-isolate. With the right activities and mindset, a pothead in a pandemic can turn surviving into thriving.