It can happen to anyone. But, for some reason, cannabis users tend to be more prone to accidents when they decide to go through door number two. I’m talking about anal sex, cannabis use and accidentally pooping on your partner.
Being curious about putting something in your bum is totally normal. In fact, it might even seem like a better idea after smoking a joint; cannabis eases gastrointestinal issues and anxiety. However, if you decide to take the plunge, here is how to do it… literally.
Preparation is key
Success is all about thinking ahead, especially when you are a stoner. Anal sex is not going to happen just because you want it to; you have to listen to your body.
Avoid foods that are going to whip through your system such as fatty or spicy cuisine.
Have a joint, lighter and towels ready just in case. Towels are for dealing with the immediate situation. The joint needs to be ready to go immediately after you both clean up and shower. If either of these items are not ready and handy, you will feel an eternity in every second that you don’t have them.
Cannabis is medicine, remember that!
Cannabis users tend to forget how well that medicine works. If you have had an upset stomach all day but managed to make it stop when you smoked a joint, don’t put anything up your bum. It won’t go well. You might feel like your stomach is doing just fine and that the circumstances have changed but don’t fool yourself. That is your cannabis medicine doing its job. This plant may work miracles but there are limits.
Choose your cannabis wisely
Be aware of the oil in the cannabis capsules you take. If the oil is old, it can go rancid and you won’t know until your system reacts. Even if the oil is fresh, you still have to be careful!
I have a girlfriend that takes a blend of cannabis capsules every day and it probably works out to be four tablespoons of cannabis-infused oil. It is a lot and every time I see her handful of caps, I think about her pooping her pants. She likes to have her CBD oil, her terpene-infused sativa blends, and a hash capsule all at once; she should never try anal.
This is not the time to try a brand new edible. If you don’t know how your system is going to react to the ingredients in it, save it for another day.
Proceed with caution. Experienced users only.
If anal sex had a best friend, it would be cannabis lube because the two go great together. Not only are you getting the functional benefits of lube, you are also using something that will literally help your sphincter muscles relax. This added benefit will make anal insertion easier and reduce friction-related tearing. Plus, if the lube-loaded object is long enough, it will pass your second sphincter and all the THC you absorb will get you high.
If you are worried that the cannabis lube will work so well, relaxing you so much that you poop on your partner, you are probably doomed anyways. Most forms of ingesting cannabis are going to affect you from the top down, not the bottom up. Suppositories are an exception but they are concentrated; cannabis lube is not. If cannabis lube is all it takes to cause an accident, you were already playing with fire.
Formula for anal fun – CLIBS
It is no secret I have no shame and I also want to see my friends live their best lives. As I consider you to be my friend, let’s be adults for a minute; I want to help you. I have gone through all the “ins and outs” of cannabis and anal sex but I feel like I should help with the rest of it. So, without further explanation, here is a fun little acronym for my personal formula for anal success. You’re welcome.
C – stands for clit or club – You need stimulation on your clit or the head of your penis at all times. This creates the difference between sexual pleasure or feeling like you are having a backwards bowel movement.
L – stands for leg up – Most people make the mistake of going into doggy style but it’s too restricting on the hips. Put your leg up on a chair and bend over.
I – stand for in, stop, wait – Trying to put something in your bum and pull it out, only to put it back in again makes all of your muscles tighten up. Enter an inch or two then stop and wait; Think “in a lot, out a little”. It doesn’t take long for your muscles to relax, especially when following the C in CLIBS!
B – stands for Bowel Movement (BM) – As long as you have had a normal BM in the last five hours, you should be good to go.
S – stands for start small – Start with something small and work your way up. Put a condom on your finger and start with that.